i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
