If that was your dad, he is hot
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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