I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my sisters under your porch take her home
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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