the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
