So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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