I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
