How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
