just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
