I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
