so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
