Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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