Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
