when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
