Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
