Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
