Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
