Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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