Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
