Screwed.edu
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
two words...techno handjob
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
