i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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