This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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