I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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