At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
