I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
