i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
