I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
