i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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