It's Friday. Sex?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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