I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
