Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
