when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
