You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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