Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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