he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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