With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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