Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
