No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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