im gay
i know
yea but for you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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