You're so nebulous sometimes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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