I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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