That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize