my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
