i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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