you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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