We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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