I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
