I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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