They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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