Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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