what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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