I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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