boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
