Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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