This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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