Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
not ubering you a puppy
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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