He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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