We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize