I want to make a zoo with you.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
