I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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