Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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