After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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