Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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