I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
