You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
