Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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