my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
