she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
