OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
