She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize