Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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