I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize