dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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