update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
