My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
