and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
