I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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