Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
