I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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