No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
