So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
