he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
