I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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