Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I checked into jail on foursquare
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize