It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
