My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
