If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize