I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
