4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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